


245. bones

by piggy09



Series: The Sestre Daily Drabble Project [12]
Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Ghosts, Gen, Ghosts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-12
Updated: 2016-07-12
Packaged: 2018-07-23 02:16:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7462773
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piggy09/pseuds/piggy09
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sarah looks a lot happier now that Helena is dead.</p>
            </blockquote>





	245. bones

Sarah looks a lot happier now that Helena is dead.

Or maybe she isn’t any happier – maybe it’s just that Helena never saw her smile, when she was still alive, so even a little smile is more smile from Sarah than she has ever seen. Maybe in-between the moments when Sarah was following Helena, worried, clutching her gun like a teddy bear – maybe then. Maybe then she smiled, and laughed, and was happy.

It makes Helena sick to think about it; it’s like being at sea, somehow, even though she took a plane to North America. The waves rock in her chest. They rock around the shape of a bullet.

_I’m dead_ , she tells Sarah, as Sarah takes the train and presses her face against the window and Helena’s reflection does not appear in the glass.

_I’m dead_ , she says again, insistently. _I think maybe it is unfair, that my chest is still hurting._

Sarah doesn’t answer her.

Sarah doesn’t answer her, even one time.

Helena keeps talking to her, though. When Sarah sits in the loft Helena tells her about the basements she has slept in, which mattresses were something like soft. _When you eat rats,_ she says, _you have to leave the tails behind. For the other rats. If you eat the tails, they make you sick._ Sarah doesn’t answer. That’s probably good – Helena doesn’t want Sarah to eat rats. She wants Sarah to laugh at the jokes of a man Helena doesn’t know, and slap him on the arm, and call him a twat. She wants Sarah to laugh, mostly.

When Sarah laughs Helena says: _you look so pretty_ , and: _I’m happy for you_. When Sarah touches one of the Others on the shoulder or calls them her sister Helena tries to say _I’m happy for you_ but she can’t quite manage it. She thinks it’s bad that she still wants so much for the others to be dead. She doesn’t know. She can’t ask Sarah. Sarah doesn’t answer.

When Sarah is inching up on Rachel in the DYAD building Helena whispers to her: _you punch her throat first, and then you reach up and you go for her eyes. Sarah, she is soft in the eyes._

But Sarah clings to her gun like it’s something that will protect her, and Helena watches. She doesn’t know Rachel. She doesn’t know whether to hope that the gun goes off.

It does not go off. Helena is still Sarah’s only ghost.

At night they sleep in the same bed, the way that sisters should. Helena sings Sarah lullabies, tells her stories. When Sarah sleeps on couches Helena curls up at her feet and shushes her through her crying. _It is bad_ , she says, _that I want you to be crying about me. Yes? I think that is bad, Sarah. I think I am bad, and that is why I am not allowed to go to heaven._

Sarah doesn’t answer her.

Sarah doesn’t answer her. Sarah doesn’t answer her. Helena gets so mad that it builds inside of her like hot pressure, like a television show she saw once on volcanoes. Boom.

Sometimes things shake. But nothing goes boom. _NOTICE ME_ , Helena yells, but nothing ever ever goes boom. Helena follows Sarah like a shadow, womb-close, yelling and yelling. In the cabin in the woods all the trees shake their leaves down. In the house where Helena and Sarah were sisters a painting falls off the wall with a crash. In Rachel’s apartment all the clothing shivers on its hangers, and the television clicks off before a tiny Rachel can finish saying _I love you_.

It doesn’t stop the man from coming through the door. It doesn’t stop anything after that. Helena yells and yells and yells and she is full of hot liquid fire and all that happens is that the shower pipes groan and clank in the walls and the man has a _blade_ and he is _touching Sarah with it_ and Helena thinks desperately _please please something anything get him away_ and—

The world clicks sharp. Helena can feel her hands.

It’s easy from there. She’d missed knives, almost as much as she’d missed Sarah. The same sort of missing, sharp like a bullet that doesn’t exist. She can still feel it, but – that’s alright. It barely even hurts anymore.

She pulls the knife out of the man’s neck and it wobbles steadily across the room. Sarah is screaming. Sarah is screaming the way Helena was screaming, but she can’t make anything shake. Only Helena can do that. Helena can do that for Sarah forever and ever and ever.

The knife floats to a halt in front of the shower. Helena can see the whites all the way around the edges of Sarah’s eyes.

“Hello, _sestra_ ,” she says. “Good to see you.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please kudos + comment if you enjoyed! :)


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